"Wichita Falls: The Town That Tolerates You (And Your Bad Decisions)"

Welcome to the city that exists in the sweet spot between "Texas pride" and "please don't make eye contact."

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Here's what you need to know:

The Official City Bird
• The parking lot seagull that steals your Whataburger fries
• (Runner-up: The fighter jet that ruins your nap at 2 PM sharp)

Seasons Explained
• Summer: Surface-of-the-sun with 30 mph winds
• Fall: One perfect week in October
• Winter: "It might ice over, panic buy all the bread"
• Spring: Tornado season (nature's way of keeping things interesting)

Local Superstitions
• If you see water in Lake Wichita, you're clearly hallucinating
• Never say "at least we're not Lawton" three times in a mirror
• The ghost of J.D. McMahon (of "world's littlest skyscraper" fame) will curse you if you question local architecture

Economic Indicators
• Oil prices up? Trucks get bigger
• Oil prices down? More "for sale" signs at Sheppard AFB housing
• Either way: Whataburger stays packed

How to Spot a Transplant
• They ask where the waterfall is
• They complain about jet noise
• They haven't memorized the Kemp Center event calendar

Native Survival Skills
• Parallel parking while dodging potholes (extreme sport)
• Identifying oilfield workers by their "just got off shift" walk
• Knowing which gas stations have the cleanest bathrooms (it's Buc-ee's, obviously)

Why You'll Stay
Because one day you'll realize:
• You recognize the overnight Walmart cashiers by name
• You have opinions about high school football rivalries
• You've stopped noticing the wind (this is how it gets you)

Welcome to Wichita Falls, where the skies are wide, the drinks are cheap, and your life choices won't be judged (much). Now go get yourself a chicken-fried steak - you'll need the stamina.