95% of Single Women Say: Please Approach Us
PRESS RELEASE
FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE
SpinTaxi Magazine Launches Bold Satirical Dating Report: “95% of Single Women Say: Please Approach Us (But Not You, Ted)”
Washington, D.C. — April 30, 2025 — In what is already being hailed as the most educationally useless but spiritually accurate dating report of the year, SpinTaxi.com has published a bombshell satire piece titled “95% of Single Women Say: Please Approach Us (But Not You, Ted).”
The piece explores the paradox of modern courtship, where single women are statistically open to being approached in public—but only by men who don’t look like they play Magic: The Gathering professionally or own multiple swords.
The article’s premise is based on a widely shared claim that “95% of single women wish men would approach them more often.” SpinTaxi immediately responded with a fully satirical exposé, mocking everything from socially anxious male behavior to women's AirPod-based defense systems and the TikTokification of human conversation.
“This is our generation’s Romeo & Juliet, if Juliet had a ‘Do Not Disturb’ hoodie and Romeo had chronic approach anxiety and a TikTok account,” said Senior Columnist Marla Beam, who helped ghostwrite several failed Tinder bios for research.
Highlights From the Satirical Report Include:
- Socially Neutral Pickup Lines like “I like your human-shaped clothes”
- Grocery Store Romance Tactics involving hummus-based icebreakers
- Government-Issued Approach Permits and flirting under municipal supervision
- Men’s Emotional Support Peacocks for emotional stability while talking to women who made eye contact once by accident in a Panera
The piece is not just a swipe at romance—it’s a blowtorch to modern gender politics, fear-based dating paralysis, and the slow erosion of public conversation due to earbuds, trauma, and everyone thinking they're a micro-influencer.
A Satirical Act of Public Service
SpinTaxi Magazine, renowned for its no-holds-barred satire on everything from politics to personality cults, sees this piece as a form of public therapy—but with more jokes and fewer expensive co-payments.
“We see satire as a safer alternative to self-help books and tequila,” said Editor-in-Chief Alan Nafzger. “This piece helps everyone feel seen: the women who wonder why men won’t say hello, and the men who think smiling at a stranger is grounds for litigation.”
In accordance with SpinTaxi's long tradition of helpful misinformation, the article does not provide relationship advice, but it does include wildly speculative fake data, imagined quotes from traumatized grocery clerks, and a proposed government hotline called “1-800-FLIRT-HELP.”
No AI Used — Just a Cowboy and a Farmer
Like all SpinTaxi Magazine content, the article was written by two sentient humans—a cowboy and a farmer—armed with typewriters, overconfidence, and decades of unresolved emotional damage. Absolutely no AI assistance was used, because even machines would’ve been too embarrassed to write it.
“This is not artificial intelligence,” says Nafzger. “It’s authentic stupidity.”
Read the Article
You can read the full satire piece at:
https://spintaxi.com/95-of-single-women/
Prepare to laugh, cringe, and possibly cancel a date you had this weekend. It's part social critique, part romantic disaster report, and 100% SpinTaxi-certified chaos.
Contact:
SpinTaxi Magazine
SpinTaxi.com
2600 Virginia Ave NW
Washington, DC 20037
(214) 875-1305
VWXV+VQ Washington, District of Columbia
Contact: Alan Nafzger (editor@spintaxi.com)
